A Completely Original Story About Two Bronies In Equestria
by Battle Damage
Summary: Two Bronies wake up to find themselves in Equestria. One a Marine and an Asshole, the other a normal brony. How will thay fare? Rated M for language, use of Alcohol, and violence
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**A/N: This FanFic is dedicated to Staff Sergeant Rodemocker; who I had the displeasure of having as my Squad Leader. Here's to hoping the rest of the world treats you kindly in your semi-retirement Staff Sergeant.**

Sitting up I rub my head and look around. I was in a large forest that was bright and colorfull. Spotting my backpack and a duffel bag I reach over and start to look through it. In the backpack was my laptop, iPod, some animal crackers, my kindle, and my phone. Looking through the duffel bag was some civillian clothes and my various Marine Corp issued uniforms.

"Hey Tyler, a little help here." a familiar voice called out to me. Looking up I see William stuck in a tree. He wore blue jeans and a Pokémon t-shirt. William had brown curly hair in contrast to my black straight and short cut hair. I had on my normal black jeans, grey shirt, and black jacket. I had known William for about seven years now and we were pretty good friends.

"Oh hey William." I said as I stood up and threw on my backpack.

"Sooo are you going to help me?" he asked. Looking up at him I raised an eyebrow.

"Well I could..." I said slowly.

"But you're not are you." he said as he began to struggle.

"Nope." I told him as I continued to watch. After a couple of minutes there was a loud snap as on of the tree branches snapped and he fell. Hitting the ground he groaned and held his head.

"That looked like it hurt." I told him.

"It did." he said as he stood up and gave the tree a sharp kick. Immediately afterwards, a backpack fell and hit him on the head.

"To bad I don't care."

"You can be a real ass sometimes you know that." William said a he began to go through the contents.

"You know that if we were in Equestria it would be my special talent." I said.

"But you are in Equestria." a female voice said behind me. Turning around I see a lavender unicorn with purple hair and a six pointed star on her flank.

"God fucking dammit. William I blame you." I said as my brain tried to process what I was seeing.

"What? Why?" William asked as he picked up his backpack.

"Why not?" I said as my brain continued to process what was standing in front of me. Then it hit me... it was Twilight Sparkle. Wait? If she's standing in front of me then that means we're in Equestria. Fuck it, I'm not going to question how we got here and just accept it. I mean this is every bronies dream right?

"Excuse me but who are you?" the lavender unicorn asked.

"I'm a demon straight out of hell." I told her.

"What?" she asked.

"Just don't question anything he says or does. He's pretty much an asshole version of Pinkie Pie." William said.

"First how do you know Pinkie pie? Second what are you? And third what's an asshole?"

"An asshole is a person/ pony that takes enjoyment out of others suffering and humiliation." William told her.

"That sounds really mean."

"He can be. But once you get to know Tyler he's actually pretty nice. Also before you ask him anything, make sure you're prepared for the answer. He is slightly insane."

"He is?" she asked.

"Of course I am. In the last thirty seconds I've figured out five hundred and seventy two different ways to kill you. Would you like a demonstration?" I asked as I raised my eyebrows at her. Her face paled and she looked absolutely mortified.

"N-N-No thanks. You still haven't answered my other questions." she muttered as she continued to stare at me. Before I could make a smartass remark, I was distracted by a butterfly that flew in front of my face. Oh my god that butterfly is pink... and red... and yellow... and silver. After many more ADHD related discoveries later I felt someone tap me on the arm.

"Come on, Twilight's giving us a place to stay." William told me. Picking up my duffel bag I followed both of them through the forest. Again I was distracted from the conversation as my ADHD senses began to tingle. We walked and walked and eventually a large town came into view. A sign said 'Welcome to Ponyville' in different colors. As we walked through the town a lot of ponies stared at me and William. Suddenly a pink blur appeared in front of me.

"I'veneverseenaponylikeyoubefore! AreyounewtoPonyville? OhmygoshthatmeansIhavetothrowyouaprty! Bye" the pink party mare said as she vanished into thin air.

"Processing... processing... processing... processing... Error, error, error. Mind has been overly fucked, shutting down for repairs." I said out loud. As we continued to walk through the town I noticed a lot of ponies were staring and whispering. Some even ran into their houses and locked the doors. Coming within sight of the library, I noticed there was one thing that was different than in the show, it was fucking huge. At least four stories tall. Well it is the town library so I guess it would be pretty big... especially if Twilight lives there. Following William and Twilight, I step inside and took a look around. There were books everywhere, On the walls, tables, floor, and even the ceiling somehow. I was in heaven. So many more books to read. But even as I was staring in awe at all the books, the other half of my brain decided to take over.

"Hey Twilight... these are a lot of nice books you have here... it would be a shame if something where to happen to them." I said as I put my things down.

"Yes, they are nice and yes it would be a shame if something happened to them. Some are really rare." she told me as she walked into another room.

"Do either of you want anything to drink?" I heard Twilight ask me and William.

"Water please." William sais.

"Only if that thing is you." I said. A moment later I realized that sounded either incredibly stupid, made no sense at all, or sounded incredibly creepy.

"I'm fine thank you." I said a moment later. As I looked at the books a few of them caught my eye. Pulling them off the shelf I take a look at them. They were philosophy and history books, but that was okay I liked both subjects. I sat down and opened one of the books and started to read. It was nothing I haven't read before but it provided a new aspect. I don't know how long it was but it must have been a couple of hours at the least, when I felt someone watching me. Looking up I saw Twilight Sparkle reaching up to tap me on the shoulder.

"Yes?" I asked.

"You don't seem to be the kind of pony who would be interested in that kind of literature." she said. I looked over her shoulder to see William and Spike talking about something that I couldn't hear.

"If thy looks only at another's skin and not the heart that lays within; Thy will live a fool's life." I told her as I marked my place and set the book down. Twilight just gave me a confused look.

"Okay Twilight, how many sides are there to every story?" I asked.

"Two." she responded.

"Wrong. There are three sides. In a traditional story, there is the heroes perspective, the villain's, and the hidden meaning. People, or in this case, ponies are no different. There's the side that everyone/pony sees, the side that only close friends see, and the side that only people/ponies that have known you your entire life see."

"Oh... I-I think I know what your talking about." she said slowly.

"I doubt it." I said as I picked up the book and continued to read. After a moment Twilight walked away. Again, the time passed quickly, and I soon found that both Twilight and Spike had left, leaving only me and William at the library.

"Hey, where'd Twilight and Spike go?" I asked William as I stood up and stretched.

"They went out for a bit." he replied.

"I can see that dumb ass, but where?"

"I don't know.

"Fine, be like that. I see how it is." I said as I opened my duffle bag. Reaching out I pulled out my BDU's, brown undershirt, and black combat boots. Looking around I spotted the bathroom. Stepping inside I quickly changed. I would have put on my MARPACS, the Marine Corp jungle digitals, but I hated the damned with a passion. While they were slightly more comfortable than the forest camouflage I was currently wearing, they looked ugly as shit, and were completely useless in an actual combat zone.

"So... what now?" I asked. Before William could respond, there was a knock at the door. Standing up William walked over to the door and opened it. Beyond the door I saw two birds holding a sign that read, 'follow us.'

"Where do you think they're leading us? One of Pinkie's parties at Sugarcube Corner?" William asked as we followed the birds.

"Noooo, they're taking us to Shangri Lar so we can learn the secrets of immortality..." I said sarcastically, "Of fucking course they are. Wait I have n Idea."

"Uh oh, that's bad."

"You haven't even heard the plan yet."

"Don't need to. Any plan made by you is a bad plan." William said as we continued to follow the birds. Approaching the candy covered bakery/house; I saw it was completely dark. As we approached I saw the birds fly through an open window and then disappeared.

"Wait here for two minutes." I told William, an evil smile on my face. Walking off without waiting for a response, I head towards the window that the birds had flown through a moment ago. I slowly throw first one leg over the window sill and then the other, careful not to make any noise. As I stepped inside I heard the whispering of voices.

"Where are they? They should be here by now?" a voice I recognized as Twilight said. Even as she said this the door opened and William walked in. All the lights flipped on and I found myself blinded.

"Surprise!" I heard a few dozen ponies yell.

"Son of a bitch." I said to myself as rubbed my eyes. Finally regaining my sight back, I take a look around. There was a table covered with cupcakes, muffins, assorted sweets, and a bowl of punch. Scattered all over the place were streamers and balloons. In the far corner was a pin the tail on the pony game.

"This is going to be a long night."

**Quote of the Day: "This is for all the idiot comments you're going to make in the next forty eight hours." my Squad Leader to me when he pushed me out of a still moving helicopter during a training exercise.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay there is going to be another story, it's the same as this one just from Williams prespective, that will be written by my friend. I don't know when it will be out so don't get overly excited.**

It was only bout twenty minutes into the party, and I was already bored. There was nothing for me to do. Party games had been set up, but they were for little kids. I walked up to William who was talking to Rarity, Fluttershy and Twilight.

"William… kill me." I told him as I approached.

"Why?" he asked.

"I'm bored." I replied.

"Well… maybe later." William said as he turned back to the conversation.

"Darling, simply what _are_ you wearing?" Rarity asked me.

"I am wearing my military's forest combat uniform." I told the white unicorn.

"So, you're a type of guard?" Twilight asked.

"No, I'm a soldier. More specifically, a US Marine."

"E-Excuse me… but what's the difference, if you don't mind me asking…" Fluttershy asked meekly.

"The Marines are one of _the_ most highly trained and disciplined military forces in the world."

"You still haven't answered the question." Twilight said with a bored look on her face. Or at least I think it was a bored look, I'm not really sure.

"I fight in wars, your guards do not."

"O-Oh..." Fluttershy said, the five of us falling into silence.

"Would you like a cupcake?" a certain pink mare asked. Balanced on her back was a tray with several dozen multi-colored cupcakes. I started to reach for one, when I suddenly remembered a _very specific_ MLP fanfic.

"Not sure if want, or if trap." I said to myself.

"It's a trap!" William said.

"Fuck it." I said as I grabbed a chocolate cupcake with sky blue frosting. I brought it up to my mouth to take a bite, but remembering the fanfic again, I set it down and walked away.

"Does he not like cupcakes?" I heard Pinkie ask.

"It's a long story." William responded.

"Do you drink alcohol?" I heard a voice ask me. Turning around, I saw a cyan Pegasus with a rainbow mane.

"Did you say alcohol?" I asked.

"Yeah, I did. Well, do you?" she asked again.

"You're damn fucking right I do. Where is it?" I asked her, looking around.

"Well, me and a few others are setting up a drinking game. Winner gets 1000 bits." She said as I followed her to a medium-sized table. At the table sat an orange pony with a blonde mane and a brown pony with a green mane. Sitting next to the table was several kegs of what smelled like whiskey.

"Ready to lose?" Rainbow Dash said as she sat down.

"Are you?" I asked.

"Psh, I can't lose, I'm too awesome!"

"Y'all sure about dat sugarcube?" the orange mare asked.

"You're bucking right I am."

"Well mah name's Applejack and this here's Fruit Punch." she said.

"What are the rules?" I asked as Applejack brought out four shot glasses.

"Outdrink everypony." Fruit Punch said ash he filled the glasses. I smiled to myself. They just made a big mistake. You never invite a Russian to a drinking game.

-20 shots later-

"Everyone ready?" I asked. There was a chorus of "yes", and I reached over and filled the glasses

-40 shots later-

Applejack keeled over and passed out on the floor. Looking at everyone else at the table, I saw Rainbow was a bit drunk, while Fruit Punch looked a little buzzed. Me? Well, I was perfectly fine. We had attracted quite the crowd with our little game.

-10 shots later-

Rainbow Dash slid off of her seats and stumbled over to me.

"Hey there shexy. Why don't you… go find us a roomsh" she slurred.

"Go home Rainbow, you're drunk!" a voice yelled out.

"Care to continue?" I asked the stallion seated across from me.

"Let's." he said.

-50 shots later-

"I… I… I c-can't…" Fruit Punch said as his head hit the table. After a minute, I heard him start to snore.

"Yeah you motherfuckers! That's why you don't invite a Russian to a drinking game!" I yelled as I stood up and grabbed the large bag of bits sitting in the middle of the table.

"Hey William!" I shouted across the room.

"Dammit Tyler… what!?"

"I'll be back. Gotta go put this somewhere safe." I said as I walked out the door. It was cold and extremely dark outside. I saw a couple of colts step out of the dark.

"Hey there mister. Why don't you let us carry a few of those bits?" one of them asked.

"Why don't you go die in a fucking hole?" I replied.

"So, you want to play like that now, huh?" the other said as I saw something flash in his mouth. 'Knife' my mind immediately told me. I shoved the bag of bits into my cargo pocket. The colt charged recklessly. The other tried to punch me but I grabbed his hoof and pushed down as I brought my knee up. There was the sick crack of bone and the colt screamed in pain. As he lay on the ground, moaning in pain, the other colt looked first to me, than to his partner, then back to me. After a second, he ran away in fear.

"Yeah, bitch, run away!" I yelled after him. After a moment, I continued to walk towards the library. When I got there I opened the door and walked in, looking around. After a moment, I spotted what I was looking for, my duffel bag. I threw the bag of bits inside, grabbing my backpack and heading back to the party. I was pretty hungry when I got there, so I pulled out a box of animal crackers.

"U-Um… excuse me." a quiet voice said. Looking down, I saw a yellow Pegasus with a pink mane.

"Oh, hi Fluttershy." I said, tossing another cracker in my mouth.

"W-What are those?" she asked as she pointed at the box.

"Oh, these?" I said. "These are animal crackers."

"A-A-Animal crackers?" she said, her face a look of terror. Her pupils then went wide as she gave me the famous "Stare". I felt her reach down into my soul… but then it stopped.

"I have no soul, your attack is ineffective." I told her as I walked off. After a few minutes, I saw William and Rarity walk towards me.

"God dammit Tyler." William said.

"What?"

"You know what." he replied, pointing outside.

"Not my fault! Anyway, Rarity, how are you?" I asked.

"I feel absolutely wonderful darling, but I do have one question." she said.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if maybe you could swing by the boutique tomorrow to see if I could try and make something more… visually appealing?" she asked

"No way in hell" I told her.

"But-"

"I will gouge! Out! Your! Eyes! And skull-fuck! Your! ASS!" I said. Rarity slowly backed up and then walked away.

"Dammit, Tyler… shut up!" William said.

"Well, I don't want to… unless you can convince me to shut the fuck up… then I probably will, but that's beside the point. And you thought it was too mainstream to be mainstream, so you decided to be hipster… but that was that was too mainstream, thus creating a paradox and blowing apart the world and everyone died." I told him.

"Tyler, can I ask you a question?" William asked me.

"I don't know, can you?"

"I'll take that as a yes. How many times do you think before you do something?"

"Most people think twice before they act. I don't even think once" As soon as I said this William facepalmed. He decided to ignore me and enjoy the party. This proved to be an almost fatal mistake…

-A few days later-

"God dammit Tyler!" William yelled.

"What did I do now?"

"The library is on fire!"

""It's not my fault that Peewee got mad at me and that Twilight lacks the common sense to understand that keeping a bird _made of fire_ in a library-that just so happens to be a tree-is just asking for something to happen." I explained.

"Well you lack the common sense _not_ to anger a bird made of fire in a library that 'just so happens' to be a tree" William told me.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Wait, what?"

"Exactly and… the library… isn't… on fire?" I said, slowly craning my head to look at the tree.

"What!? How?" William said, looking behind him and staring at the library, which not only wasn't on fire, but didn't have any damage whatsoever!

"A fail safe spell." I heard a voice say. Turning, I saw Twilight standing behind me. She wasn't mad… but she was very, _very_ annoyed. "I'm not dumb Tyler. I think that living with a baby dragon for half my life would teach me to be careful"

"Are you sure about that?" I asked.

"Yes." she replied

"Are you sure you're sure?"

"Yes!"

"Are you sure you're sure about not being sure?" I asked, smiling.

"Yes! I mean no… I mean… arrrgh!" Twilight grumbled.

"Mission accomplished." I said as I walked back into the library. It had been a while since I'd given a good mind fuck, and it felt good. Stepping inside I grabbed my laptop and then jumped on the couch. As the laptop powered up I glanced up and looked around. Peewee was sitting on up the top of a bookshelf, glaring at me… I'm not really sure about the facial expressions of birds. Hearing the chime of the laptop as it finished powering up, I looked away from Peewee and towards the laptop. Before I could do anything a message appeared in the bottom right corner of the screen. Reading it, my eye started to twitch: _Internet Connection Established._

"WILLIAM!"

**Quote of the day: " I heard you cant go on the internet cause your laptop broke, well I want you to go read a fanfic called, A Twist in Fate."**


End file.
